hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
