so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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