why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize