No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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