Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
