I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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