I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
