Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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