sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
