one two three fourrrrnication!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
