i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
