Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
