the condom got lost in my hair
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
