I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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