why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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