I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
