I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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