Moan for me like Helen Keller
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
