im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
