i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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