it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
