Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
