im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize