hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize