cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
