Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
