Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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