Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
