we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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