That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
