Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
