I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
