We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You smell like stripper and shame
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
