Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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