He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
