Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
