Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
