before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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