Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
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You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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