Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
