Please, let me fuck your mom
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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