True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
