she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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