Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
