the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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How does it feel to date your dad?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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