i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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