I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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