Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
