My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
