This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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