I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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