tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dignity is for republicans.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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