I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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