dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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