The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
