Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
