that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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