so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.