I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...