6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish life had little blips of pornography
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.