wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part