Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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