Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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