that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
