Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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