My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
