I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
