I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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