Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.