Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it