Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.

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(734): Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard. http://tfl.nu/9e9a

Replies (4) Good night (954) Bad night (1014)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.

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(401): I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls. http://tfl.nu/rm2y

Replies (35) Good night (3498) Bad night (1043)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.

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(860): my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4sug

Replies (22) Good night (1189) Bad night (4257)
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(626): View more from California

dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.

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(626): dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing. http://tfl.nu/anwj

Replies (66) Good night (5606) Bad night (2159)
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(214): View more from Texas

Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.

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(214): Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me. http://tfl.nu/otui

Replies (12) Good night (2699) Bad night (1125)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

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(513): Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything. http://tfl.nu/e1ys

Replies (84) Good night (2079) Bad night (6972)
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(760): View more from California

She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.

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(760): She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid. http://tfl.nu/c9kh

Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (1453)
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(360): View more from Washington

This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.

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(360): This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made. http://tfl.nu/7tve

Replies (5) Good night (1713) Bad night (880)
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(317): View more from Indiana

You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.

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(317): You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow. http://tfl.nu/p8o5

Replies (7) Good night (1684) Bad night (729)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

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(970): I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh. http://tfl.nu/93er

Replies (9) Good night (1856) Bad night (834)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.

(404): View more from Georgia

Clearly, you already have. Both of them.

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(770): I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one. (404): Clearly, you already have. Both of them. http://tfl.nu/iwis

Replies (6) Good night (1201) Bad night (498)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.

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(647): Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul. http://tfl.nu/h3kr

Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (315)
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(217): View more from Illinois

turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder

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(217): turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder http://tfl.nu/r034

Replies (0) Good night (568) Bad night (339)
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(903): View more from Texas

I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?

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(903): I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex? http://tfl.nu/k82d

Replies (5) Good night (773) Bad night (382)
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(904): View more from Florida

I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.

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(904): I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl. http://tfl.nu/psb5

Replies (7) Good night (613) Bad night (128)

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