Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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