He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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