RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet