Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.