Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.